Archive for March, 2008

Parasitic Tears

I cried.

Not gasping, sobbing tears normally associated with pain.

Nor the heavy, breathless tears that come with grief.

Certainly not the tears of laughter or joy that leaving you gulping desperately for air.

Just plain, inexplicable tears that rolled down my cheeks with no pomp. No ceremony. No announcements proclaiming the burning ache that seemed to grip me oh so suddenly. No visible signs but the shimmering trails running down my face that I was crying at all.

Nobody knew. Nobody saw.

My pain was a silent parasite, upon its unwilling host. Dulling all senses, removing all hope of speech. I could not cry out. I could not press my hands to my face. I could not reach out to those around me, desperate for the comfort and solace I knew would await me if only…

Just silent tears.

And no explanation. No reason for them. They simply came, and then passed away as though nothing had happened. The parasite having departed from its hapless prey moving on elsewhere. The host, standing and leaving the room. So very conscious of the gaping wound left behind. Now having to pick up the pieces, I’m left to discover what went so wrong.

Annean’s Recipe Box - Grape Salad with Witlof, Watercress, Bocconcini and Walnut

Recipe of the Day - Header

Grape Salad with Witlof, Watercress, Bocconcini and Walnut

The Cook and the Chef is a television show aired on ABC One in Australia. Maggie Beer is one of the hosts of the show and this recipe was one of those made on the show that aired on Monday, 24th of March 2008.

INGREDIENTS:
100 g walnuts
2 red witlof bulbs
2 white witlof bulbs
1 small handful watercress
1 small handful salad burnet
1 cup red grapes
1 cup green grapes
1 lemon cut into thin slices and then into 1/8ths.
extra-virgin olive oil
8 bocconcini balls (small ones)
1 tablespoon roughly chopped lemon thyme
caper vinaigrette
1⁄3 cup walnut oil
1/3 cup verjuice
1 tablespoon capers (due to my own personal taste, I leave these out)
freshly ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat the oven to 220°C. Roast the walnuts on a baking tray for about 5 minutes until beginning to brown, shaking the trays to prevent the nuts from burning. If they are not fresh season’s, rub the walnuts in a clean tea towel to remove the bitter skins. Put the nuts into a coarse sieve and shake away the skins. Allow to cool.

Separate the witlof leaves, then wash and dry carefully with the watercress and salad burnet. Cut the grapes in half and remove the seeds. Toss the salad leaves in a large bowl, then divide them between 4 plates. Slice the lemon finely and cut these slices into small pieces, then mix with the grapes. Pour a little extra-virgin olive oil over the bocconcini, then roll these in the lemon thyme. Slice thinly and add to the salad leaves.

To make the vinaigrette, whisk the walnut oil and verjuice until amalgamated. Dress the salad just before serving, topping with capers and walnuts.

The bocconcini can be dressed with the olive oil and lemon thyme up to a day before serving; however, the lemon thyme will become black and unpalatable if this is done too far ahead.

~*~

Category
Rating
Source
SALAD
4 out of 5
The ABC website -
http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/s2035071.htm

The above recipe is copyrighted to Maggie Beer, The Cook and the Chef and the ABC One television network. It is posted here to share the wonderful recipe with others and the author of this website makes no claim to it as her own intellectual property, nor does she gain any financial benefit from sharing it.

Surgery and Wedding Talk

Sakura House.

This was initially to be another project entirely, but it struck me as I went to blog that Sakura House is more “me” than Vita e Volte de Annean EVER was. For this reason its become my new blog. People can complain all they like that I change my blog too often, but as its my medium for expressing myself I shall do as I please.

With that in mind, let us begin.

Yesterday I came out of hospital after having surgery the day before. I am now without my gallbladder. And currently experiencing considerable pain, discomfiture and dizziness. Perhaps I should be abed, but I’m tired of lying down. And I’m hoping to go with Sam and Mum at three to speak to Bev about having the wedding catered. If I lay down I’ll not get back up again.

Got a new bridesmaid today, as well. Manda has pretty much resigned, and so I’ve asked Margaret to take over from her. The difference between her and my sisters is incredible. They’ve expressed very little interest in the duties of being a bridesmaid, have taken very little interest in helping with the wedding… whereas Margs, within a few minutes of being asked, was already making enquiries about things that my sisters should have been asking me months ago. But never have. Hopefully this means things will be a little easier on me now.

Sophie may be forced into resigning, there has been much conversation lately regarding her. And her propensity towards throwing tantrums at the most inopportune moments. And my wedding? Would be one of those, for certain. Mum and Bec both have suggested that she be removed from the wedding party. Margaret, before being asked to be a bridesmaid, actually had a dream about her last night. Soph threw the expected tantrum, in said dream, and Margaret yelled at her for her behaviour. My feelings on the matter are becoming increasingly concerned… the more I think about it, the more I’m certain she’ll have a tantrum and upset me. Don’t want that happening, on our day of all days.

She’s down the farm at the moment though, so I can’t have words with her. However she has been told that I wish to speak to her about it. Possibly I need to be as hard as I can in speaking to her, she may resign of her own freewill if she feels she’s being put upon.

A work of fiction

Golden motes of dust wheeled and floated dizzyingly in the hot summer air. It was nearing sunset but the heat of the day lingered on still, would not relent until the hours just before sunrise. Bitter relief for the many who would toss and turn in their beds that night. One of Summer’s many cruel games. face streaked with pale rivulets where exhausted tears had only recently coursed, young Annean; daughter of Haradin reflected on the events of the day.

The smithy across the way from their home had but recently taken on a new apprentice. A bright lad, for the blacksmith could not abide stupidity, but one who had often proven himself to be easily distracted by the sight of a pretty face passing by. Up until today however it had never been much call for concern

A thinly beaten blade red-hot from the fires dropped on the cobblestone floor and misshapen beyond repair. The smithy cat with her singed tail when a wayward pair of tongs were brandished jauntily to capture the admiration of a particularly bonny young lass. A feat which bought much merriment and teasing jest from more than one quarter.

On this luckless day however the return of the town’s brightest star had caused a great stir. Mixed feelings drifted through town as the Rosque Caravan rolled laboriously through the town’s gates. As the last carriage cleared the two heavily barred doors, several of the town’s guardsmen heaved the great doors closed. From the reared carriage a lithe form jumped down, the liquid movements of her slender body attracting more than one admiring eye.

Hair as dark as a moonless sky, glints as of starlight catching in the unfettered curls that tumbled about her shoulders. A light gown of midnight blue, pale white embroidery accented about her neckline and hem, clung to her smooth, gently curved frame. Though it was clear to see the rough pants of a good peasant would have been the garb she would have preferred.

A gentle sigh rippled through the gathered townsfolk like a warm breeze as the girl-woman stepped lightly through the gathered crowd into the open, waiting arms of her father. Tears of joy and gladness streamed down his cheeks as Haradin held his eldest child close. Amelie, Annean’s twin sister had come home.

It was her lissom frame that had caught the Blacksmith’s young apprentice’s eye. The sight of her wandering the gardens of her home as she reacquainted herself with favourite childhood haunts making the blood that coursed through his very being boil and burn with desire.

In his haste to be free of his chores he was careless in his work. Let a smouldering coal fall amongst the kindling unmarked. Failed to smell or see the curling black folds of smoke until they had drawn his Master into the smithy with a bellow of rage. By then it was too late. Fire had already taken its hold. The last he saw of fair Amelie before his senses take control was a face set in grim determination as the young woman raced to sound the town’s bell. Fire could spread quickly amongst the houses of Waituril, especially in the summer’s oppressive heat

Already Haradin, accompanied by the household’s servants, the weary travellers taking lodgings within his home and his two remaining children; Annean and his youngest Harnen; had already come to lend their aide. Falling into the well rehearsed water chains with the other neighbours that had already begun to arrive at great haste.

The Blacksmith, his face dark with grief and rage stalked about the enclosure he used to shoe horses, bellowing and raging as though he were a wounded bull. The sight set the knees of the most stalwart a-trembling for the brawny straw-haired man was renowned for his rages and the strength that rippled through his muscles and sinews. It was said that, once he had halted a stallion in its terrified rage when it had panicked at the sight of a child’s pet monkey. The stallion was said to be one of the famed steed’s of the royal guard itself. Strong, swift, volatile.

His eyes red with grief he frantically searched the growing crowd of water bearers for his poor apprentice. Many a soul present was grateful not to be the source of the great man’s ire. Still others prayed silently for the lad’s safety once the danger had passed. Those few who battled the fire at its source, drowning flames and sparks in water and wetting what wood the fire had not yet touched could not help but marvel as the boy fought valiantly by their side. Annean, sweat dripping from her body watching him with ever-increasing admiration, was the first to notice when the hungry flames licked at his dry clothing, catching hold as though they were but kindling. Her voice rang out a hoarse warning as she barrelled into him.

The force of her body connecting with his tumbled him out the open doorway. Those standing at the doorway expounding bitter oaths as they barely dodge the hungered flames eating through the lad’s clothes as a starved beast would take to any proffered nourishment.

Buckets of water were thrown over the convulsing body, then men bent, lifting him upon the town’s healer’s stretcher before bearing him swiftly away, steam rising eerily from he strangely rigid body. Shaking her head to clear her senses, Annean remembered the duty at hand and plunged back into the smoke-choked den of the warring fire.. Ready to meet it in battle once more.

¤¤¤

Wiping her face upon the blackened sleeves of her shirt, Annean tried to clear away as much of the grime as she could. As her thoughts drifted from the task at hand tears of relief began to run anew down her cheeks. The battle had been a long one, and hard fought. The fire a fierce and bitter enemy. Not long after the apprentice had been borne away, missing the Blacksmith’s searching gaze, the fire had leapt from its confines. The malevolent Beast still hungering for more, sweeter flesh as it tore through the Blacksmith’s home standing next door. The rugged man’s grief was uncontrollable as he fled down the street shedding tears of ill-concealed anger.

Annean fought on stoically though the acrid smoke burned her lungs and the strain on her body burned her muscles as though the fire raged within her own body, threatening to consume. Through blurred eyes she beat at sparks with damp Hessian bags. With blistered hands she threw buckets laden with water over cruel flames licking rich tapestries as though trying to torment her. Her voice lay in ruins, made hoarse by heat and smoke. Feverishly shouted warnings at her companions.

They lost but two men that day; servants of her family the pair of them. One a newly appointed gardener, fresh from an extensive apprenticeship in the city. The other, their faithful butler. Her father’s man through and through. And their longest serving man to date, Annean could not recall a time when he had not been there. Even now she knew her whole household had been plunged into mourning. Her father’s grief especially palpable.

This evening, however her path led her to the healer’s house. She finding herself desperate for news of the boy’s wellbeing. To find out what went so horribly wrong. It turned out she was not the only one with such plans. Most noticeable, she observed, was the Mayor himself. Soot staining his finery. Annean could not recall seeing him at the fire. Her lip wrinkled in distaste. Weariness did not tug at the lines of his face as it did the others, dazed shock was not glittering dully in his eyes. As she strode passed him she muttered hoarsely,

”Fake.”

Pallid eyes flashed threateningly in her direction as his face swivelled to face her. Tired, steadfast, she returned his gaze resolutely. He wavered first, flustered and barking commands at his men to fall out. Battle-tired themselves from battling the fire and embarrassed to be seen ‘protecting’ an abject coward the retreated swiftly. Eager for a bath, a meal and sleep. Eager to escape. The Mayor threw one last word at the Healer’s daughter.

”I shall return on the morrow, tell your mother I -will- see the boy. ’til then, let none interfere.”

This last that he issued with a poisonous glance aimed carefully in Annean’s direction. Feigning not to notice she turned her back on him. Leaving him to seethe in his fetid pit of rage. As he departed the door swung closed viciously, panes of glass rattling in their frames.

”That soot was rubbed on from the filth of his own grill I’ll warrant.” Merrow, the Healer’s daughter remarked cheerfully, though Annean sensed the brittleness in the girl’s voice. Noted the girl’s soft downy fur bristling. With a smile for her friend that didn’t quite meet her eyes, Merrow spoke in a softer voice,

”And you, I’ll warrant are here about the lad whose life you saved, eh”

Annean nodded wearily, in no mood to try and dissuade her friend from believing what she would. Tiredness gripped her then and, like a wilting flower, she slid gracelessly to the floor. The last thing she remembered being the sound of Merrow’s voice remonstrating her gently.

¤¤¤

Softly spoken voices cut like a knife through the fog of sleep. Cutting swathes of consciousness through the darkness. Gummed eyes fought to open, letting in flood of morning light that swiftly washed away the last remaining vestiges of sleep. Blinking blearily at the harsh invasion of light and groaned. Laughter, not unlike her own rippled through the hushed voices that had roused her.. There was a brief swish, a light gust of air being buffeted and then blessed dimness.

As her eyes adjusted to the light she took in her surroundings. She was faintly surprised to discover herself in the good Healer’s wards. From the angle at which she viewed the room she could only surmise that she had somehow become a patient instead of the intended visitor. As her eyes drank

Ranting, yay.

I should be in bed. Its well past my bedtime and, up until a few minutes ago, that’s where I was. Texting Margaret re: her 21st birthday in a couple of weeks. Perhaps it was because of that I can’t get to sleep, or the fact that my stomach won’t settle at all. Or the fact that I feel antsy (not that kind, fidgety would be a good descriptor) and can’t lie still. I’ve still got a splitting migraine that I’ve had all week, and taken more Nurofen to try and combat it, but even that isn’t making me feel tired.

I know, if I don’t get to sleep before midnight at least I’ll still be having 8 hours of sleep. And I do -technically- have until 2am to get to sleep and still have had sufficient. I am, though, feeling very exhausted “within myself”. Weird sounding.

Perhaps this is just my mind refusing to settle. I have noticed its been mulling over a few things in the last hour or so. Surgery. Parties. Wedding. Sam. Work. Definitely surgery and work. Although, that I think is because a) its hard NOT to have my surgery on my mind with it coming up so fast and b) because I mentioned to Sammeh tonight that our life has been harder since I started working. And he agreed! NOT, to settle anyone’s concerns, that this means I have any plans to quit and go back to the way we were. Just that things were easier. They worked a lot better. Granted, we didn’t have that extra $200+ a week we’re getting now, but we survived without it.

Surgery. I’m not looking forward to it. But I am, also. I want to get it over and done with. I want to have my gallbladder out so that I can finally start to feel well again after a whole year of not. I want it to stop being a weight on my mind. But, I dislike hospitals. Fervently. Never have liked them, never will. They’ve got a lot of bad memories for me, one’s that I’d rather just walk away from. I think if I had a baby and the option was available, I’d want to do a home birth. That’s how much I hate hospitals. Only if necessary. I have to have gas again when they operate. I told them I can’t, because I have a reaction to it. I’m sick for a good week afterwards (vomiting, nausea, headaches, woozy, dizzy…) and tend to get quite agro when I’m coming down. But, no…. I don’t get my way. Even though I was asked if I had a preference. It was a case of “Oh, you -don’t- want the gas? Well… sorry… but we’ll give you nausea meds!”

Fuck that for a joke.

This whole operation, the lead up to it. Everything to do with it has been nothing but stress for me.  Even now the stress still isn’t over. I realised whilst lying in bed hoping the waves of sleep would crash over me that I hadn’t been given my pre-op wash stuff yet. So I’ll have to arrange to pick that up tomorrow! The agony of the stress here is over-fucking-whelming.

So is the fact that I can’t get people to perform the simplest of tasks for me. Things that I can’t do myself, that they need to do. Its not like I’m asking them to move the earth for me or anything. Sometimes its just as simple as picking up the phone and making a call. =\

Well, I’ve ranted… now there’s nothing more to say. I guess. Good night?

Wrong Era

I could begin by saying “Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era” but that would be telling a lie. There hasn’t been a moment in my life where I feel as though I was born where I was meant to be born. Oh people have always babbled on at me about how I was born where I was Meant to be born in the grand scheme of things. That this is how its meant to Be. But, I’m sorry, I’ve never really believed that. If this is how its meant to Be what purpose is being served by me feeling the way that I do?

When I was younger, my Nanna always used to say that I was born into the wrong period of time. I seemed, to her, to be different from my cousins, siblings and others that she knew. From a young age I had morals and beliefs that were out of sync with those around me. Unless you took into consideration the morals and beliefs of people FROM Nanna’s generation. This is entirely understandable. And something I can explain quite easily. Growing up, I spent much of my time around people from that generation. My companions were older people. Grandparent’s, Great-Uncles, Great-Aunts, their friends. Granted I used ot spend time with my cousins and such, but they never really impacted on me in the same way.

I suppose I must have had some form of predisposition towards being susceptible to their influence. Otherwise I would never had picked it up, nor would I have been able to spend so much time in their company without getting frustrated, bored or irritable. Children do not, as a rule, strike me as capable of getting along with the elderly in quite the same ways as I always have. “Nanna has candy, so I’ll be quiet and play with my toys in the corner” seems to me, to be about the extent of your average child’s interaction. Be good, and you’ll be rewarded. Or, be bad… as the case is for some children.

I have so many memories of sitting around with my grandparent’s and/or their friends drinking a hot cup of milo (and later on, tea) having afternoon and morning teas. Listening to them talk, eagerly drinking in every word. Watching their every mannerism. And as I grew older and my own opinions began to form, take shape I would add my own two cents in here and there. And I loved it. Adored it. Was always eager for more. I would follow Pop around the farm, absorbing everything he could teach me. Whether it be phsyical, manual work. Or something of a more philosophical nature. I think, for a long time, Pop was the closest thing I ever had to a best friend (until I met Jo :) and now that I have my Sammeh ^_^).

Sitting here now, thinking about the influences on my life, my mind is awash with memories. Nearly all of them taking place down the farm. I can see rainy days, myself running across paddocks, soaked, sweating but with a look of pure joy and happiness on my face. I can see myself curled up by the old wood fire, watching the ABC with Pop and Nanna. Listening to their banter about the show currently on. Half asleep, but their words seeping into my mind. Heat, sweat, dust, wool… the prick of grass seeds in my bare feet as I push and stamp, force the wool down in the bailer. The strain of muscles as sheep are moved forcibly around. The roar of the shears ringing in my ears. Pop’s voice shouting out orders…. years passing, an older version of me. Shouting out orders in Pop’s place. Unerringly knowing and understanding implicitly what needs to be done. Predicting the actions of the sheep before they themselves know what they’re going to do. The feeling of satisfaction and pride difficult to measure.

The farm, then, perhaps has been the greatest influence on my morals, ideals, beliefs and principles. Its certainly been the one constant in my life. The one thing that I’ve always felt a long abiding love for. Always felt the desire to return to. Felt the desire to live there. Its molded me as I’ve grown. Shaped me into the person I have become. Given me the desire to aim to be the person I wish to be. The strength to push for it. And while at times I’ve lost my way, forgotten its joys and magic, I’ve always rediscovered it in ways that have been beautiful and poignant. Infusing me with a love for the land again, a love for THAT land. That soil. And always a new way of loving it. Always deeper. More meaningful.

I think, no… I know… that the farm is a place I shall always be tied to. People talk of loving their country. Of loving the land of their birth. For Australians the vast, red outback, the long, sandy beaches…. the endless oceans separating us from everywhere else has always sung in their blood. But so few have ever seen this land that they profess to love that at times I wonder that they can hold such pride. I talk of loving -my- country. Rolling hills, green-lined, peppered with trees… Trickling streams, placid dams…. water pouring down the river. The soft drizzle of rain upon the backs of sheep. Steaming on their hot bodies. The mournful howl of winds through the tin roof. Darkness, the pelting of rain on the roof. The distant rumble of thunder. The warmth of a roaring fire and the all-embracing sleep… Dust, sweat, oppressive heat. Shimmering waves on the horizon, light warping in the mirage. The gentle drone of flies, forever swatting at impatiently. Lazily. Brown dirt, brown grass, Endless cobalt blue sky. The cool, dampness of the cellar. Clammy skin, soft voices, gentle snoring, the old radio crackling in the background. The smell of wine, the hiss of beer cans. This is what I love. This land is where my heart is.

Perhaps what I crave, above all else, is not to return to a previous era. But the opportunity to return to the land that created me. Made me into the person I have become. To return there, and to live. Not to holiday, as the opportunities of the past few years have been. Fleeting, brief, a taste of what I’ve lost. And lost I have. Its as though a part of me is fading, lessening the more often I am away from this place. I feel a part of me dying with every passing breath. And the times I spend there; barely energise me. I mourn for the loss, and can only live in hope that… somehow… I rediscover it.

…. Do my entries ever stay on track? I never seem to follow through on what I try to say at the beginning…. 

Creative Outlets

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There, I’ve started to write something. I mentioned in a previous entry, possibly even the one before this I don’t really remember, that I’ve been having trouble doing the writing thing lately. So I thought, well start with something inane and go from there! That way at least I’m typing and the words might just flow by themselves. I should be doing housework right now, but I’ve been avoiding this longer than I’ve been avoiding doing the housework. And believe me, that’s been a long time >.<

I’m really unhappy with myself for it, I should be doing it, but I never seem to be able to find the energy. And the longer I go without doing it the less likely I am to do -anything-. Bit tragic, isn’t it? Sounds like a lame excuse to me, but what can you do? If the inclination to do something just isn’t there you can’t force it. Well, you could. I’ve tried, but it just makes you bitter and resentful. The last thing I need is to feel THAT as well, lol. So I thought to myself, well I have to write something sometime soon. And I have to do housework. If I start on the housework, the writing just isn’t going to happen. a) because I’ll dawdle with the house cleaning and won’t get it finished until tomorrow afternoon (yeah… I’ve gotten that bad :( )  and ) because by the time I do finish the housework I’ll procrastinate again about doing anything else. At least this will only take a few minutes of my time. And I can dig into the housework feeling good about myself for getting this done :)
That’s the way I’m trying to look at it anyway. Its working for me for the time being at least. Although I don’t think Sam quite likes the plan. He’s gone to do the dishes now, and here I am, sitting on my ass doing “nothing”. Maybe forcing myself to write again every day is the way to go. I know forcing myself to socialise a few years ago got me out of that depression I was suffering. Got me active and out of the house. I think this time I need to reintroduce the writing side of things back into my life. I’ve gone from one side of the ball to the other. Burying myself in my writing, my poetry and living vicariously through that. Now I’m living my life, but not expressing it.

Expression, through words, has always been stupid amounts of important to me. And I’ve been denying myself that outlet.

So, what’s the plan? Stuff plans. I’ll do the housework, then see if I can’t find some kind of creative outlet :)

A good feeling.

I’ve begun to notice an interesting trend, as the heat of summer and length of the days decreases. Where before I had trouble getting to sleep, then when I finally did I had a restless night, ending with the fact that I always had considerable difficulty in getting out of bed I’m now only plagued by trouble getting to sleep. This I’m gonna attribute to the fact that I’m not winding my body down properly. I’ve been active right up until the point where I go to bed. And those few times when I haven’t? When I’ve lain in bed and read some of a book while Sam had a shower, or finished up whatever it was he was doing on his computer? Sleep came easily. So easily, in fact that I barely noticed it.

Which brings me to the main reason why I felt this bloggable. See, over summer I couldn’t wake up in the mornings. Seriously, it was like being dragged out of bed whilst still asleep and then, using some form of robot technology, I’d be put through my paces in the morning of getting ready. Shower, dry, clothes, boots, hat, walk out the door. That was my morning ritual. If you don’t consider the morning cuddle with Sam in the equation. And over the last few weeks? Well, when I have the open shift (and therefore, my alarm goes off at 3:45am) I lay in bed cuddling with Sam for a good twenty minutes, oftentimes more. But at least I’ve been -awake-. Aware of what’s going on around me. The lack of desire to get out of bed is, quite simply, because of the warm body pressed against me. The arms wrapped around me from behind. Its hard to want to leave that, so I stay for as long as I can.

When I get up after Sam though, if I start at 9, 9:30, 10 or even 11 or 12 as the case is sometimes, I’m finding that I wake up at around 7-7:30 in the mornings after a twenty to fifty minute sleep-in once Sam’s left feeling, curiously, refreshed. Alive. Awake. Its been an awesome feeling. I didn’t feel it over summer, due to the heat causing sleep deprivation, and I didn’t feel it over the rest of last year due to the inevitable depression felt at not having a job. In fact, the only bruise, the only stain on my conscience has been the fact that my housework has been suffering recently. But, even today that’s not bothering me. I done some this morning (its now a 8:46, I’ve been up since 7:30) and I done some yesterday, as well. I’ll have more to do when I get home, certainly, especially now that we’re having visitors over tonight, but I’ll manage that just fine. In comparison to my sentiments in the months leading up to now… lol.

Its a good feeling, knowing you’ve had a good night’s sleep and waking up ready for the day ahead. A good feeling.

Wedding planning

I’ve got so many thoughts running through my head at the moment, I just don’t know where to begin. Or even what I really want to put down. That sounds silly, considering the whole point of this is to record everything that happens for future posterity… but, I dunno. Maybe I need to return to something more private. Something for just myself, and no one else. Then I won’t be tempted to write -for- people, so not really giving my own, full opinion on things.

I guess I’ll begin with the wedding.

Bonbonnieres - Chocolate Boxes 2×2x2 inches

Disposable Cameras for Tables

Centerpieces

Photo coming soon, just as soon as I can get a better photo of them. They’re candleholders tho, for the curious.

And, fuck it. I can’t be bothered talking about any more stuff. This is depressing me, where’s my motivation to write gone? :(

A new home

Rent inspection tomorrow. The house isn’t really all that squeaky clean but to be honest I can’t be bothered. Its habitable, tidy and what needs to be cleaned has been. And that’s good enough for me. We don’t go about washing the windows once a week, I certainly don’t get down on my hands and knees and scrub the lino once a week either. So why I should do it for them I don’t know. If they’re not happy with the place, then its just their problem, isn’t it? I mean… someone who treats the house they’re in like shit, gets someone in to clean it before the rent inspection and passes with flying colours is, to my mind, both lying and cheating. And that’s hardly right.

I’ll be happy the day I can finally breathe easy in the knowledge that I won’t have to worry about rent inspections. Which may be coming sooner than I’d ever expected. The other day Sam and I went into the Homebuyer’s Centre to discuss our ability to -possibly- build our own home. Turns out we can, after going through our budget together this afternoon. So… yay! Home of our own!

For Jo: The House Plan - this is the one we’re looking at. There are others of course, but this seems to us to be the one that we’d like best. We’ll look into it further of course, we may find that another plan is better.

I’m excited. But nervous at the same time. Its a big step… a lot of money to be borrowing. And for me, whose never borrowed from a bank or financial institute before, kind of scary. I mean, I know what its like to be owing money… the restrictions it puts on you. For instance, Sam’s debts… having to pay rent… bills etc etc etc. You earn all this money, but you never get to keep it. But the kind of figure we’re looking at? I’m very… terrified right now, lol. I know the bank won’t let us borrow money it feels we can’t repay, but that doesn’t help to alleviate the fears, you know?

Still… Its exciting… and I’m glad I’m still a little wary. But yeah, OMGSAMANDIAREBUILDINGAHOMETOGETHER!!!!! 


茶道 - Chadō, The Way of Tea
偉大な予言者 - Yogenshi, Cassandra
桜花 - Sakura, Cherry Blossoms
ィ桜馬 - Liouba, Liouba
一期一会 - Ichigo Ichie, One Place One Time

 

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